Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Bittersweet dream this morning.

I was with a group of girls and an adult mother figure. I was auditioning to be part of their ‘team’, it was some kind of super-secret-spy kind of thing, but with magic. This has actually come up several times in my dreams, but this time in was all young women, girls really. I was that age as well, which is also not surprising as I am often a teenager or younger in my dreams.

Anyway, I was not doing so well, and stern mother figure was about to discharge me, when she found out about my ‘master’, the mythical being I had met in my past. This excited her a great deal and she decided that I must be reunited with this being via a ritual. I was overjoyed, ecstatic, so unbelievably happy. At last I would see him, hear him, feel his touch. At last I would be fulfilled.

The ritual was taking place out in the countryside, which was magical in some way. Lots of people were there. My mother was there. Apparently she was in on the whole thing. Go figure. Also, she had wings.

Just before the ritual was about to begin, I happened to look at myself in the mirror and was shocked to discover that I had become a little girl, maybe 8 or 9 years old. The people around me assured that it was no big deal. I decided not to worry about it. As long as he I would see him at last, nothing else mattered. 

Then I woke up. To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement, but I’ve gotten used to waking up and having something wonderful torn away from me. It happens often enough at poignant moments that it is clearly not a coincidence, I regularly wake up just before something good is about to happen, most often just before sex. What exactly wakes me up, I don’t know.

One thing is still really bothering me from that dream. When I was going to be cast out of the group, one of the other girls was taunting me and being a bitch. I hit her hard and and she went down. I then grabbed her and groped her left breast roughly. This act wasn’t sexual at all, it was a show of power and dominance.

This is really fucking creepy. This was not a lucid dream. It’s not like I knew consciously that she wan’t real. Frankly, it scares me that I would do something like that. It just seemed like the natural thing to do at the time.

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